I think the answer to this one gets over analysed and complicated, it is simple. You are a person, you have needs/wants and if those needs/wants are not met then are you living your best life? Is this the life that you want for your children? Let's unpack this a little and look at some ways that you can prioritise your needs whilst not neglecting the needs of the family.
Firstly, I think that it is hard to find a busier person than a parent. Often working, making lunches, doing school drop off/ pick up only to arrive at the weekend where you turn into a taxi driver to sport or social engagements. We have so many balls in the air, life can seem like a mad juggling act. So it's no surprise that parental self care is so important but what can you do to look after yourself?
How to prioritise your own self care
I have two children and the only solution I can find to this issue is to get my self care done early in the morning. I need my sleep I heard you say, I’m tired as it is. I hear you, I am not pretending that it is easy, it is (I believe) important and worth it. Research suggests that getting up at the same time everyday (or near rough to it) will keep your circadian rhythm in check, so after a little adjustment your body will respond.
I started getting up at 5:30 am, going for a walk for about 45 minutes to an hour so that I was back in time to get breakfast for the kids. The first week went by and I noticed that I felt more focused, more alert and less stressed. The second week I felt it was easier to get out bed then came week 3. This is where I remembered that motivation is fleeting whist discipline and accountability is enduring,
Tip:
I find it easier to go walking when all of my gear is in the lounge room, I don’t have to worry about waking anyone up and all I have to do is roll out of bed, the rest takes care of itself.
I then heard about deliberate cold exposure, so I started ice bathing in the morning and I find it hard to express just how much this has enhanced my life. Check out the hubermanlab, they can explain it better than me.
Initially I understood the psychological benefit, it is hard to do, not the most pleasant but you become mindful and connected to your body and the flow on effect for the rest of the day is amazing. The physical benefits have also been amazing, I feel stronger, more connected with my body and stress and anxiety (whist still present) do not affect me like they used to, I recommend you check it out and make up your own mind.
How does reading help Parental self care?
It calms us down, lowers heart rate, relaxes us and releases tension, check out this study
Taps into our imagination. This is a skill that some adults can lose, tapping into your imagination can increase our critical thinking skills, give us different and fun ways of engaging with our children and also models to them the importance of reading
We sleep better. Get off the phone and read a book, check out this article
People always say, the book is so much better than the movie/tv show, they say it for a reason
It can be hard getting started again but the other added benefit is that you get smarter whilst relaxing and sleep better!
Put the book next to your bed and move the phone charger to the lounge room
By an alarm clock
maintaining a balanced diet as a parent
This one is tricky as time poor parents everywhere at times go for the easy option, we all do.
The saying we are what we eat is true and dieting can be hard, restrictive and do they work?
For me, I think balance is key. Again it is easy to say but hard to do. Somedays I’m on, others I’m off however being deliberate and accountable to yourself about what your are doing and why is important.
Sugar is bad
Water is good
Balance in what we eat is key, we all feel better when we put good food in right?
What you can do to prioritise your self care today
What worked for you in the past?
What makes you feel energised?
What would you like to do more of?
How can you utilise your time to get what you need?
What did you do before the kids came along?
Park you car further away from work, get some steps in, they all count
Taking a phone call, stand up and walk around, you can get up to 3-4000 steps in a hour!
Take the stairs, not the escalator
Talk to your kids about why this is important and how they can help you live a better and more fulfilling life, involve them, they’ll love it
Kids love telling parents what to do, they are also great cheerleaders
I’m a single parent, how am I supposed to do this?
Get support
Who can help?
Tap into your support network
Can you use any services to help you?
Is there before and after school care?
Look at your local area on facebook, join the group and see if there are other parents in your situation, build a support group
Find the gaps in your day and take advantage when you can, you’re worth it and you may start to feel better
Reflect and adapt
Take some time to reflect and see how you are feeling, what is working and how you could improve.
Try to be mindful of the cumulative effect of addressing small things, see how they add up.
Do you feel better, worse? Do you need extra support, who could help?
Could a different time/day work better?
Motivation vs Discipline and Accountability
Motivation is great to get us all started. The first couple of weeks motivation is your friend however I have found that motivation runs out of puff. I have replaced it with Discipline and Accountability. Those difficult mornings when I just don’t want to, Motivation is nowhere to be found, I do bump into Discipline and I feel amazing afterwards and I know that I have looked after my body and my mind and I’m ready to go.
My tip here is, don’t spend time worrying about motivation. Make yourself accountable to yourself, give yourself a pat on the back or say well done when you’ve finished, celebrate the win no matter how small they are, I do.
So whatever you do to look after yourself, give yourself the praise you deserve, be accountable, embrace discipline and model behaviour to your children that shows them that looking after yourself is a priority. It is a gift to them and you that will be rewarded in the long term.
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