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Writer's pictureLukas Winward

Understanding Your 9-Year-Old's World


9 year old boy playing a game on his computer

As parents and carers, we all want to provide our children with the best possible support and tools to help them navigate through life. This is especially important for our 9-year-olds who are at a crucial stage of development. By building resilience in our youth, we can help them face challenges and setbacks with confidence and determination. So, let's dive in and explore how we can empower our children on their path to success.


How to Connect with your 9- year-old

As parents, it's important for us to understand the unique world of our 9-year-olds. This is a stage where they may experience a wide range of emotions, from excitement and curiosity to anxiety and confusion. By connecting with our children and being aware of their thoughts and feelings, we can better support them in their journey. Encouraging play, providing opportunities for social connection, and ensuring they get enough Vitamin D through outdoor activities coupled with a healthy diet can all contribute to their emotional well-being. Understanding their world allows us to guide them through any challenges they may face, fostering their resilience along the way.


So how are you going to do that? What is the special thing you do with your 9-year-old, is it reading? Going to the park? Riding bikes? The beach? Whatever it is, slow down, leave the phone and connect.


How to Nurture Your 9-year-old's independence

Nurturing independence in your 9-year-old whilst establishing boundaries is essential for their growth and development. Encouraging their autonomy allows them to gain a sense of control and confidence in their abilities. By setting clear boundaries, you can provide structure and guidance, helping them navigate through challenges and make responsible decisions. This balance between independence and boundaries promotes healthy development and may prevent feelings of depression or anxiety.


What level of autonomy are you and your 9-year-old happy with? Have a conversation and workshop the idea including them the whole way. Is it going to the shops to buy milk? Riding to a friend’s house? Walking to school on their own? This is a great thing to practice in the holidays, it can lower anxiety and develop independence and it is an activity you can do together, remember to leave the phone at home or in your pocket.


The Key to Unlock Your Kids Potential

Effective communication is the key to unlocking your 9-year-old's potential. By maintaining open and honest lines of communication, you can foster trust and understanding. Take the time to listen to their thoughts and feelings, encouraging them to express themselves. This can help them develop important communication skills and feel validated and heard. Engage in conversations that promote active listening and empathy, creating an environment where they feel comfortable sharing their ideas and concerns.


How are you going to do that? Our lives are very busy, how can you take that time to sit, talk, connect and model this behaviour and show real interest? Leave the phone on the kitchen bench, go for a walk, walking gets them talking. Does not have to be long, research shows that 10 minutes of focused conversation with lead to positive outcomes, for our kids and also for us.


Promote Resilience through Failure and Success

One of the most powerful ways to promote resilience in our 9-year-olds is by teaching them how to navigate failure and success. Instead of shielding them from failure, encourage them to view it as a learning opportunity. Help them understand that failure is a natural part of life and that success often comes after experiencing setbacks. By promoting a growth mindset and encouraging behavioural activation, you can empower your child to persevere, problem-solve, and bounce back from challenges. This will not only build their resilience but also foster a sense of self-confidence and determination in the face of adversity. We fail a lot more than we succeed so getting used to failure and celebrating effort is key. Doing difficult things shows us that when things are difficult we/they are capable of doing hard and difficult things. So how are you going to do that? A great conversation at dinner can be; What worked well for you today? What was challenging and how could you look at it a different way? Is there anyone on your team that may have been able to support you?


Harnessing the Power of Positive Affirmation with your 9-year-old

Positive affirmation can be a powerful tool in building resilience in our 9-year-olds. By providing them with uplifting and encouraging words, we can help them develop a positive mindset and belief in their abilities. Engage in daily affirmations with your child, highlighting their strengths and efforts. Encourage them to use positive self-talk, reminding themselves of their capabilities when faced with challenges. By harnessing the power of positive affirmation, we can foster a sense of self-confidence and motivation in our children, promoting their resilience and willingness to take on new tasks and experiences.


How are you going to do that? It takes time and energy and focus which can be difficult to muster in our busy lives. Getting to the sporting events, jazz ballet, footy, cricket, dancing, martial arts, golf, or whatever your child participates in is the easiest way to accomplish this as you are there and witnessing live the success in effort. It is hard, not saying it is easy however I feel that this creates a deeper level of relationship and a great opportunity to celebrate together. I notice at my daughter's swimming lessons, she is always looking up to see if I’m watching. Not saying I’m perfect here but I do see a lot of parents on their phones. What message does this send? You’re not as important as my phone. The focus you give your children will pay off when they are older.


Empowerment through Problem-Solving Skills

One of the essential ways to build resilience in your 9-year-old is through empowering them with problem-solving skills. By encouraging them to tackle challenges head-on and find solutions, you can help them develop a sense of competence and self-efficacy. Promote behavioural activation by providing opportunities for your child to problem-solve independently and learn from their experiences. This will not only build their resilience but also foster their critical thinking and decision-making abilities. By empowering your child through problem-solving skills, you are equipping them with valuable tools to navigate through life's ups and downs.


How are you going to do that? What is an activity that is changing and achievable, what is a skill that they need to work at, to perfect, to push their boundaries and show them what they can achieve? My 7 and 4-year-old want to make their own lunch box, this is great however in our busy lives we just want to get it done. Stop, take a breath and enjoy watching your children become more independent. Put the phone and laptop away and do it together, problem-solving can be a great bonding experience.


How to Build Self-Esteem for a More Resilient Child

Building self-esteem in your child is crucial for their resilience. Encouraging them to engage in activities that promote their strengths and interests can help boost their confidence and belief in their abilities. By providing opportunities for behavioural activation, such as participating in hobbies or pursuing passions, you can empower your child to develop a positive self-image. Celebrating their achievements and highlighting their unique qualities will contribute to building their self-esteem and equipping them with the resilience they need to navigate life's challenges.


How are you going to that? Giving our children the opportunity to push themselves and to attempt difficult and challenging things gives them the opportunity to call on that strength when things get tough. Young people need focus and time to know that they are the most important people in their lives. Phone down, focus and connect (are you picking up a theme here?). This will give you the best opportunity to support their self-esteem. We often stop our kids from trying new things because of our own experiences, our anxiety, and our fears. Let your children climb the tree, and learn where their own fear boundary and limits are.


Create an Environment that Encourages Engagement with your 9-year-old

Creating an environment that encourages engagement is essential for fostering resilience in your 9-year-old. By providing a supportive and stimulating atmosphere, you can promote their curiosity and motivation to explore new things. Incorporate activities that promote behavioural activation, such as interactive games, arts and crafts, or outdoor adventures. Encourage their interests and passions by creating a designated space for their hobbies or setting aside time for them to pursue their unique talents. By creating an environment that encourages engagement, you are setting the stage for your child to develop resilience and thrive in their personal growth journey.


How are you going to do that? Collaboration shows that their opinion and interests are valid. Their interests might seem silly to us, I don’t really want to play roblox or barbies but it is a terrific opportunity to connect with their interests which will strengthen your bond.


How to Recognise Signs of Disengagement and How to Tackle It

It's important for parents to be able to recognise signs of disengagement in their 9-year-olds and take appropriate steps to tackle it. Some signs of disengagement may include lack of interest in activities, withdrawal from social interactions, and decreased motivation. If you notice any of these signs, it's crucial to take action. Encourage behavioural activation by finding activities that your child enjoys and providing opportunities for them to engage with peers and with you. Additionally, open up lines of communication and listen to their concerns or worries. By addressing signs of disengagement proactively, you can help your child build resilience and maintain their engagement in life.


So again, how are you going to do that? You need to be focused and in tune with your children to recognise and attend to these needs. There is support available in the forms of mentor programs, Counselling and Student Wellbeing programs at school that can offer referral options.


Providing support and tools for our children is a lifelong process that requires effort and dedication. By building connections, balancing autonomy and boundaries, communicating effectively, and encouraging resilience, we can empower our 9-year-olds to thrive and succeed in life. So, let us make it a priority to spend quality time with our children and be their biggest cheerleaders in their journey towards well-being and success.


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